Thursday, 14 August 2014

Depression: My Thoughts and Experiences

"Deep into that darkness peering, long I stood there, wondering, fearing, doubting. Dreaming dreams no mortal ever dared to dream before." - Edgar Allan Poe

Depression is a silent and painful illness that, while being relatively common, is largely ignored or misunderstood by our society. I started writing this ramble partly due to the saddening news about Robin Williams’ death and partly due to my own problems that have reared their ugly head again in the last few months. My aim today is to dispel some myths regarding depression and talk a bit about my own struggles with it [Please Note: At this point, I initially attempted to give depression a nickname much like cancer is “The Big C”. It wasn’t until I had typed it, however, that I realised that a ramble about me struggling with “The Big D” would undoubtedly be misinterpreted]

            The main myth that I’ve found surrounding depression is that, if you’re suffering from it, you suddenly turn into Wednesday Addams which is obviously not the case. In my personal experience, I have found that it’s a case of good days and bad days except the “good” days are just okay and the “bad” days are soul crushingly horrible.

The actual feeling of depression itself is not what people assume. In my experience, I have found that it is not so much sadness that you feel but rather a vacuum-like emptiness or supreme apathy. It’s a feeling that is less “I’m too sad to do anything” and more “what’s the point of doing anything” and let me tell you, it’s a bloody horrible feeling. It’s like being caught in quicksand whilst drowning and you feel like there’s no way out. Even if your friends and loved ones are around you, you feel alone.

There are moments of positivity like seeing friends but this is fleeting and can ultimately leave you feeling drained; especially when you’re dealing with people who don’t understand what it’s like. They tell you to “look for the silver lining” and other such pointless platitudes that only serve to add more stress to someone already struggling to cope. “Now now, oh sultan of sadness” you sternly pipe up “those people are attempting to provide a support structure and shouldn’t be mocked for it” and, yes, I respect that their advice comes with the best of intentions but, like a toenail in a burger, it is unwelcome (unless toenail burgers are your particular “thing”, in which case, I’m not judging). If someone in your life is struggling, bombarding them with platitudes and forced social situations is not the answer; what I found I needed was someone letting me know that they’re here for me if I need them to be but if I don’t, they wouldn’t push for interaction. Personal wishes should, of course, be overridden if you feel that someone is going to harm themselves or others; in which case you show up at their door and convince them to get help.

Sometimes, no matter how strong someone is, the darkness can be overwhelming and taking your life can seem like the only way out. Speaking as someone who has got that low, it is a horrible place to be. You feel like there’s nothing left; nothing to fight for and you let yourself slip away in whatever fashion you have chosen. When I got that low, my head was swirling with all sorts of terrible thoughts; I felt isolated and abandoned but, perhaps worst of all, my deepest fear took a firmer root in my mind than ever before. My deepest fear, as many of you may know, is becoming the same sort of monster as my father and when you feel low enough to end it all, imagining growing into everything you hate makes it easier to give up.

Trust me on this.

Long story still kind of long; I didn’t die (I know; spoiler) and have since sought assistance in rebuilding myself stronger than ever. I realised that, for far too much time, I had been making choices because of everything that happened to me when I was younger but it’s about time I started making choices in spite of it. Rather than defining myself by my mistakes and my trials, I’ve started to define myself by my achievements and my victories. Don’t focus on the times you stumbled; learn from them and use that knowledge to help those around you.

If any of you ever feel like you’re alone and you need someone to talk to then please talk to me. I can’t promise miracles but I can promise offensive jokes, rum and pizza which is pretty much the same as miracles.

Thanks for reading this incredibly cheerful ramble today. I’ll leave you with a quote from John Keating in Dead Poets Society-


We don't read and write poetry because it's cute. We read and write poetry because we are members of the human race and the human race is filled with passion… and medicine, law, business, engineering, these are noble pursuits and necessary to sustain life but poetry, beauty, romance, love; these are what we stay alive for. To quote from Whitman, "O me! O life!...  of the questions of these recurring; of the endless trains of the faithless... of cities filled with the foolish; what good amid these, O me, O life?" Answer. That you are here - that life exists, and identity; that the powerful play goes on and you may contribute a verse. That the powerful play goes on and you may contribute a verse. What will your verse be?”

Tuesday, 15 April 2014

Top 5 Comic Arcs of All Time (according to me)


“Hey Pete, you know a lot about comics! What are your favourites?”

Said nobody ever.

But I’m not the sort of man to let a little thing like “nobody caring” get in the way of my own fun.

So here it is; a spoiler-filled run down of my favourite comic arcs.

You should buy all of these.



5) Green Lantern: Sinestro Corps War (2007)

I found it somewhat difficult not to list Geoff Johns’ ENTIRE Green Lantern run from Rebirth (the return of Hal Jordan) right the way through to The End due to its high quality and brilliant character arcs.
I decided on the Sinestro Corps War as the high point because it was this specific story that allowed Johns to show off his heavily redesigned cast and setting whilst teasing lots of ominous foreshadowing of the Blackest Night to come.

Some characters remained the same; Hal Jordan was still a commitment phobic risk taking hotshot pilot (largely taking cues from Darwin Cooke’s New Frontier) and Kyle Rayner was still a skirt-chasing dildo who always takes the time to have a little cry mid-battle.

Other characters, however, received an overhaul. John Stewart had the “ex-sniper” part of his personality come to the forefront; they used the destruction of Xanshi (a planet that was destroyed on Stewart’s watch) to create a fractured veteran who devotes himself to protecting life because he can’t stand to see any more death. He was the only human Lantern not interested in showing off; he just wanted to get the job done and save as many lives as possible. This made him, in my opinion, far more sympathetic than in previous comic book incarnations.

Guy Gardner had his more lecherous and abhorrent character traits toned down and elements of his back story altered to include an abusive father which transformed him from a spoof of Reagan-era leather-clad “heroes” into a damaged abuse victim who was desperate to prove himself. When I was a kid, Hal Jordan had been my favourite Lantern but thanks to Geoff Johns, Gardner quickly took the top spot. He made inappropriate sex jokes, drank too much, acted without thinking of the consequences and had a deep-seated resentment for his father; how could I not empathise? During the Sinestro Corps War, Guy got to shine as a field-commander and readers, both new and old, got to see why the ring had chosen him in the first place.

Now to the full reason why “Sinestro Corps War” is my favourite; the man himself. Thaal Sinestro, former Green Lantern of Sector 1417 and future master of the universe. The Sinestro that Geoff Johns resurrected (after being killed by Hal Jordan in the nineties) was aristocratic, self-assured and calmly cruel. This new Sinestro made an enemy that could challenge the power of the Green Lantern Corps; in this arc, Sinestro had surrounded himself with sadists and murderers in the name of spreading fear throughout the universe.

Why? Because with fear comes order and that’s what Sinestro is all about; order.

The war that was waged set the stage for years to come and was chock-full of snappy one-liners, philosophical debates (backed up by physical violence of course, this IS a superhero comic, after all) and allowed the Green Lanterns to seem less all-powerful and easier to empathise with. Plus, we got to see more of Superboy-Prime and who DOESN’T love that snotty little prick?

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Absolute-Green-Lantern-Sinestro-Corps/dp/1401237355/ref=sr_1_3?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1397579685&sr=1-3&keywords=sinestro+corps+war



4) Batman: Knightfall (1993 – 1994)

“I am Bane -- and I could kill you... but death would only end your agony and silence your shame. Instead, I will simply... BREAK YOU!”

Arkham Asylum cracked wide open.

Batman’s entire rogues’ gallery on the loose.

A shitty film version of this story yet to come.

Knightfall came at a time of change for Batman comics; desperate to pull away from the current “Bat-family”, the writers needed an arc that would shatter the status-quo and send readers plummeting into the depths of a darker Gotham and so Batman was put through his greatest challenge to date.

The first volume had Batman going up against everyone from the Joker to Amygdala (look it up, bitches). Each villain put Batman through a different trial; Zsasz made Batman question his no-killing rule, the Hatter made him question his own mental strength and so on until Batman was worn-down, sleep deprived and brimming with MAN-FLU... perhaps his greatest enemy to date. It was at that point that the South American steroid abuser and criminal genius known as Bane stepped out of the shadows dressed as a luchador (because DC comics has always relied on lazy stereotyping *cough* Black Lightning *cough*) and breaks Batman’s back.

While he recovers, Batman passes his mantle to his long-time partner, friend and confidant; Dick Grayson...
Oh no... wait... Batman DOESN’T do that. Instead, our dark knight detective passes the cape and cowl to Jean-Paul Valley, otherwise known as Azrael, a militant Christian who enjoys decapitating sinners with a flaming broadsword.

What the shit, Batman?

While Batman recovers, Valley kits himself out in a new Bat-Suit that looks like a Rob Liefeld designed Transformer; big, metal and FULL of unnecessary pouches and proceeds to deal with every criminal with the mission statement “You can’t commit another crime if you’re in a coma!”

Eventually Batman returns and defeats Mecha-Bat by tricking him into getting naked (no, really). The tale ends with Batman being sure of his mission once more and the overall tone of book embracing the “dark” of the Dark Knight.





 3) League of Extraordinary Gentlemen (1999 – ongoing)

Another contender in the list of awesome comic series’ that have been botched by their film adaptation. The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen film managed to change and wreck every character in the book; it is an aberration that will hopefully, one day, be erased from the timeline like Rory was that one time in Doctor Who.

WE WILL SPEAK OF IT NO LONGER!

The comic book series, on the other hand, is fantastic. It collects some of the British Empire’s finest fictional creations and bands them together into a clandestine team of super-spies, working behind the scenes to ensure the survival of Queen and country.

The prim and proper Mina Murray (Dracula) is recruited by the mysterious “M” (Casino Royale) to assemble a team. Their mission? Track down some missing cavorite (The First Men in the Moon). She soon recruits Captain Nemo (Twenty Thousand Leagues Under the Sea); a violent, death-worshipping pirate and Allan Quatermain (King Soloman’s Mines); an opium addled ex-soldier. Along the way they meet Hawley Griffin (The Invisible Man) and Dr. Jekyll / Mr. Hyde (The Strange Case of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde); the former hiding in a girl’s sixth form, visiting the girls as the “Holy Spirit”, getting several of them pregnant and the latter murdering prostitutes in France.

Their next outing is set to the backdrop of the Martian Invasion (War of the Worlds). Once more called upon, this band of scrappy literary creations acts as the front line of defence for the world but are betrayed by the Invisible Man who is then raped to death by Mr. Hyde (Alan Moore has never shied away from just being plain DARK). Volume Two ends with half the team dead and the other half disbanded over the use of a biological weapon provided by Dr. Moreau (The Island of Doctor Moreau) against the Martian horde (the “killed by the common cold” explanation in the original book is given as the “official” statement).

The team reassemble at different points to deal with threats like Jimmy Bond (Casino Royale), Big Brother (1984), Oliver Haddo (The Magician) and his Moonchild (Moonchild) who ends up being VERY Harry Potter-esque in the end and they recruit allies like Orlando (Orlando: A Biography) and A.J. Raffles (A Thief in the Night).

If you’re a fan of classic literature, good writing and interesting character development, then LoEG is the series for you. Alan Moore and Kevin O’Neill have crafted a world that blurs the line between fact and fiction; did these characters really only exist on the page or has the truth been classified? If you do read it, take the time to spot any other characters or references written or drawn into the background... for... y’know... FUN... or something... but it is cool when you spot the First and Eleventh Doctor having a chat and then identify a reference to The Beggar’s Opera on the next page. “Haha” you can say “I know what that is referring to because I’m amazing”

http://www.amazon.co.uk/League-Extraordinary-Gentlemen-Omnibus-ONeill/dp/1401240836/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1397579791&sr=1-1&keywords=league+of+extraordinary+gentlemen+omnibus

http://www.amazon.co.uk/League-Extraordinary-Gentlemen-Dossier-Gentmn/dp/0861661761/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1397579812&sr=1-1&keywords=league+of+extraordinary+gentlemen+black+dossier

http://www.amazon.co.uk/League-Extraordinary-Gentlemen-Vol-Century/dp/0861662326/ref=sr_1_2?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1397579827&sr=1-2&keywords=league+of+extraordinary+gentlemen+century




 2) Nick Fury: Agent of Nothing (2009 – 2010)

Please note that the Nick Fury featured in this storyline is the Infinity Formula powered, grumpy, stubbly 616 Fury and NOT the Nick Fury that has had enough of these motherfucking snakes on this motherfucking plane.

Intrigue? Check.

Norman Osborn getting punched in the face? Check.

Renaissance-era alien technology because reasons? Double check.

Agent of Nothing came at a time after the disbanding of S.H.I.E.L.D, in the comics due to incompetence during an alien invasion, and the installation of H.A.M.M.E.R; its replacement helmed by Norman “Captain Crazypants” Osborn. The villains were posing as heroes and the heroes were on the run. Dark times, true believers.

In this time of general silliness, Nick “politeness is for pussies” Fury assembled a team of new characters that Marvel were keen to push to the front, and Daisy, the girl from Secret War with the earthquake powers. Fury set about fighting the remnants of Hydra and the all-powerful H.A.M.M.E.R because Fury hates injustice and also probably other reasons but DAMN does that man hate injustice.

The Gorgon comes back to life and teams up with Baron Wolfgang Von Strucker (Hydra’s leader and Fury’s nemesis since 1964) in order to unleash the full power of Hydra on the world. Enter Russian terrorist Orion and his gaggle of generic cretins to fight Hydra AND Fury in order to unleash THEIR brand of rampant twattery on the world as well.

See what I mean? Silliness.

Cue flashbacks to one time in the 1960’s when Leonardo Da Vinci (bear with me here) brought Fury, Strucker, Orion and many others together to capture alien super-science that could be used to create an army of monsters. Which Orion now has.

After destroying the machine, Fury and Strucker are captured and the latter gleefully reveals that *gasp* S.H.I.E.L.D had been infested with, and taking their orders from, Hydra! (yes, I know, you’ve all seen Winter Soldier by now)

BUT

CINEMA GOING PEOPLE

IN THE COMIC

NICK FURY

NICK “THE KING OF SPIES” FURY

THIS SMOOTH, ONE-EYED STUD REVEALS THAT HE’S KNOWN ABOUT HYDRA’S INFLUENCE IN S.H.I.E.L.D FOR DECADES AND THE REASON WHY EVERY HYDRA PLOT ALWAYS FAILS IS BECAUSE, WHILE HYDRA HAVE BEEN GIVING ORDERS TO S.H.I.E.L.D, FURY HAS BEEN GIVING ORDERS TO HYDRA!

DOES IT MAKE SENSE? NO!

WHO CARES, MAN?

IT’S NICK FURY!


1) Superior Spider-Man (2013 – 2014)

In 2013, Marvel announced their intention to dump the mind of Otto Octavius (who was dying) into the body of everyone’s favourite wall-crawling underachiever; Peter Parker. I, like many others, decried what seemed like an obvious stunt (and sure enough, they’ve restored Parker in time for the new film) but what we got in between were 31 issues of, in my opinion, the single greatest character in comic book history (sorry bats).

I loved Spidey when I was younger; the wise-cracks, the nerdiness, the spandex but as I got older, I found it harder to relate to Parker. He was a nerd, sure, but dated a slew of aesthetically perfect supermodels and was always socially competent enough to charm his way out of any situation.

Enter Otto in Peter’s body. The self-proclaimed “Superior” Spider-Man was a wonderful mix of arrogant, kind-hearted, socially incompetent and endlessly wonderful as he swang round New York making crime-fighting more “efficient” while, out of the spider suit, he developed a charming and entirely pure love for Anna-Maria Marconi, a genius scientist who happens to be a dwarf (something that Otto doesn’t even see because he has no interest in traditional “beauty”)

It was a very limited run that revealed a lot about Otto as a child, his morals and his ideals as he grew from a selfish man afraid of death to a self-sacrificing hero, proving once and for all that he is, and ever shall be, the Superior Spider-Man.

Unlike the other entries on the list, I have kept this entry pretty spoiler-free because I urge you to go out and buy the first volume and lose yourself in this wonderful character that Dan Slott built.

I cannot over-state how much I loved reading this run and, while many will cheer at the return of Peter Parker, I’m left feeling upset that Superior didn’t run for longer.


Tuesday, 4 March 2014

Rape-Culture and Victim-Blaming: A Rant



“For some offences, there is only retribution” – Nora Hawks



There are many abhorrent opinions that you encounter in life that stand against equality, scientific reason and logic (The UKIP manifesto covers all of these). Today, however, I’m here to rant and ramble about one specific and singularly disgusting trend that I see all too often both on the internet and in real life; the “culture” of victim-blaming.

I’m sure you’ll all encountered some twat or another at a pub or on an online message board who implies, infers or outright states that if someone (usually a woman) gets drunk, dresses up or in any way acknowledges the presence of a man, then she’s practically begging for sex and whether she’s held down or too out of it to resist, it’s the right of that man to take whatever he pleases. Now, I’m not going to go into what I deem to be the appropriate punishment for such scumbags but I will say it involves sulphuric acid, a blunt cleaver and a blowtorch.

There is a common myth perpetuated by the far right that rape is just consensual sex that a woman regrets later. For example, Todd Akin, an American politician, went as far as to say that women can’t get pregnant from rape because “If it’s a legitimate rape, the female body has ways to shut that whole thing down.” First of all, let’s just take a second to let the stupidity of that comment sink in. This is the issue; a startling lack of proper education. Rape is often typified as a hooded stranger grabbing a girl off the street, dragging her into an alley and assaulting her as she begs him to stop. However, in the last five years, just 22% of sexual assaults reported in the UK were perpetrated by a stranger. The majority occur by either a partner or “friend” manipulating someone or waiting until they’re too drunk to function before taking advantage. Many rapists try to argue semantics in these cases; that it didn't really count as rape because she didn't struggle which is, of course, utter bullshit.

There are thousands of sexual assault crimes that go unreported every year because the victim is terrified of being judged or made to feel ashamed. In what other crime is that an issue? If someone sets you on fire, nobody would stand there and say “Well, what were you doing wearing such flammable clothing anyway? I think you really wanted to get set on fire.” Our society demands that the victim prove their own innocence rather than the rapist prove theirs and the really sad thing? This idea is in no way a new one. Gather round for story time:

Medusa was a beautiful woman who caught the eye of the Greek God Poseidon. He attempted to woo her but she rebuffed him, leading him to decide that he’d take what he wanted regardless of her wishes. She fled to the Temple of Athena and begged for protection. Athena did nothing and Poseidon raped Medusa on the floor of the temple (modern, more child friendly adaptations gloss over this part). Athena was so disgusted with Medusa being raped that she transformed her into a hideous creature that destroys the lives of men.

Think what this tale says about the victim. From then on, Medusa was known to the world as a freak and men should avoid her, all for the “crime” of being raped. The fact that the media and a depressingly large chunk of society still portray victims this way is something we should be ashamed of.

“Ah but Pete, you Samurai of Wisdom” I hear you cry “There are many examples of times when sexual assault IS invented and the man HAS had his life destroyed for nothing”. Well, imaginary reader who I created for the purposes of narrative, you've been misled (both about the sexual assault statistics and me being wise... or a samurai). There are a minute number of cases in which the assault is invented (just 2% of reported cases). The reason you've heard about ALL of those loudly and clearly is because it is in the interest of right-wing sensationalist journalism to mislead you into thinking that the victim is wrong. In all cases when reporting on sexual assault, the Daily Mail only refers to victims as “accusers” whilst the rapist gets their positive traits “football star” “dedicated athlete” mentioned repeatedly which leads the woefully stupid to conclude that the “accuser” MUST be trying to destroy this poor man.

The rise of internet pornography has also given rapists something new to blame in order to escape just punishment. For example, a case I read about today where a 12 year old boy raped his 7 year old sister and rather than the judge doing anything about it, it was decreed that it was probably the fault of porn and the boy was sent back to live with his family and sister. Giving these sick fucks another way of weaselling out of trouble should NOT be our focus; our sole focus should be to provide support to their victims who have just had their lives shattered.

Many universities have made the positive step to include, in their legislation, specific guidelines explaining to douchebag fratboy morons that, if the girl can barely stand, it’s just as much rape as if you’d put the roofies in her drink yourself. A common counter-argument to this tends to be “so, if I get drunk and hook up, it’s rape?” and to that I say “no” and also “stop being a twat”. Everyone knows the difference between two people getting drunk and going home together and a girl passed out being rutted on by some disgusting rapist cunt.

Personally, I feel a way that we all can help is by showing a bit more compassion when we’re out and about. If you see someone alone and completely gonzoed, maybe go over and see if they need a glass of water or a taxi home because it’s better that we do it than Douchey McRaperton, who you can bet has spotted this vulnerable girl and is planning on making his “move”. Equally, if Douchey gets there first and you see this girl being essentially dragged out the club, mention it to the bouncers. I know we’re all overly polite and don’t want to be a pain or accuse someone who could be legitimately trying to get the girl home safely but, surely, it’s better to be a minor inconvenience than potentially allow a scumbag to walk off with his chosen victim.

As we grow older, we become the parents, the politicians and the decision makers. Some day hopefully soon, the Daily Mail readers and UKIP voters will all die out but until then it’s our responsibility to stand up for what is right. We need to be the voices of reason, of tolerance and of justice; we need to ensure that those we vote into power have firm views on protecting the victims, not the perpetrators. This is why we need to encourage everyone to vote despite what people like Russell Brand say because you can be assured that the far-right, rapist defending dickwads will be casting their vote and there needs to be a unified voice against them.


I don’t know about you but I’m tired of my country being a place where a rapist can avoid conviction based on semantics or technicalities.


I’m tired of it being place where, if they manage to get convicted, a rapist can get out early on “good behaviour”.


Most of all, I’m tired of hearing this idea that somehow, a victim is at fault. That they should feel ashamed for what was done to them and that they get treated with scorn and suspicion when all they deserve is our compassion and our understanding. I’m sick of this alpha-male bullshit mentality that should have died out centuries ago.



I fucking hate rapists, I fucking hate people who make excuses for them and if that includes you, then I fucking hate you too.


Thanks for reading.